This past week and a half have been full of food and sadness. A little over a week ago, a friend who has been sick for a long time passed away. She left behind a husband and seven beautiful children. And today is the first yartzheit (Hebrew anniversary) for my mother, who passed away a year ago. And while many would not immediately think of food when they think of mourning, it is a very important part of the Jewish mourning process.
In the Jewish mourning process, one of the first things that we do when returning home from the burial, after washing our hands, is we eat an egg. An egg is the traditional symbol for mourning (we also eat it right before our saddest day on the calendar, Tisha B’Av, as a sign of mourning for the loss of the Beit Hamikdash/ Temple). The egg has no beginning and no end, and therefore reminds us essentially of the concept of the circle of life. We also eat other rounded foods as we mourn, such as bagels.
However, that isn’t really what I was thinking about today. I was thinking about the love and care we show through food during these hard times. When someone is sitting shiva, often visitors will send or bring food. As the mourners are not allowed to prepare the food themselves during that week and the rest of the family is also engulfed in sadness, it is common for people to send or bring food for the mourners to eat. Both a year ago and a week ago, I witnessed overwhelming support as meal after meal poured in. So many in our community who step through the doors of a mourner’s home have made some effort in feeding them physically, in addition to emotionally. Soups and salads, sushi and chicken, pastries and coffee. We mourn and help each other heal through the warmth of food sent. In many homes, some foods are also passed around to the visitors, encouraging them to make a bracha (blessing) and eat a bite in the memory of the person that was lost.
As we move through the mourning process, the seven days of shiva end and we move to day 30. The shloshim, as day 30 is called, marks another milestone in mourning. And again, we often include food. Many will try to learn a set amount of Mishna or Talmud and make a siyum (a completion ceremony) on the 30th day after burial, as a zechut (merit) for the person who passed away. As part of this siyum, we make a large meal, laden with delicious foods and bread, and bring together the family and friends once again.
And a third stage, the last in the official mourning process, is the yartzheit. The Hebrew anniversary of the day the loved one passed away. The first yartzheit marks the day when the official mourning period ends (when mourning a parent) and we once again come together over a meal.
As I sit here, nearly finished preparing food for the dinner in honor of my mother’s first yartzheit today, I appreciate the healing and love shown through the food of mourning, and I pray that the next time I bring food to a friend’s house or we sit down all together with friends and family for a nice meal, it will be for a simcha (happy occasion). May we all share in many happy meals in the future!
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